Saturday, October 14, 2006
Hodge Jr. Reports From South America!
Hello! Hodgebeast Jr. reporting from South America!
MUCH excitement here! After borrowing the United States' nuclear submarine, I discovered that it was rather difficult to drive; the pedals are quite far away from the wheel and I find it very hard to reach them. Also, a lot of the gauges were in the red and there were many flashing orange lights and screaming klaxons, which disturbed me and made me stressed.
So, I unfortunately managed to crash into a whale - for which I am very sorry, and I did apologise. He seemed alright about it.
However, I believe I may have violated the territorial waters of several South American nations and possibly caused a huge diplomatic incident. I did adopt my dad's policy for dealing with diplomatic matters, and screamed "MINIONS!" down the radio at them (I also Morsed "M-I-N-I-O-N-S" at them too, in case the radio was not working after the incident with the giant squid). I didn't demand vanilla pastries and fine coffee under threat of nuclear anhiliation, as I thought that was a bit much, but I did ask nicely for some. They did not give me any - I was quite disapointed.
Anyway, after the sub-hunting choppers turned up and dropped torpedoes in the water, I thought I had better get out of the sea - as it is filled with slimy beasts who I dislike. So, I drove the submarine over to the coast.
I maintain that if the submarine is going to break apart in such a flimsy fashion after being beached then there should be a warning label or something on the dashboard. I looked for a manual, but they had clearly thrown it away. Silly sailors! How do they expect someone who borrows it to know how to drive it?
After I beached the submarine on the rocks, I quickly left - as there were scary people in NBC suits turning up and putting up signs which read "WARNING! Nuclear Contamination!" and hoovering up all the glowing green stuff that was oozing out of the fractured reactor. I was rather affeared that I might get hoovered up too, to be honest, so I left.
I am currently writing this in a little cafe, drinking fine coffee and eating vanilla pastries with my new friend - who is a Llama. He tells me that we can go and see where they make coffee later on today - it promises to be quite exciting.
MUCH excitement here! After borrowing the United States' nuclear submarine, I discovered that it was rather difficult to drive; the pedals are quite far away from the wheel and I find it very hard to reach them. Also, a lot of the gauges were in the red and there were many flashing orange lights and screaming klaxons, which disturbed me and made me stressed.
So, I unfortunately managed to crash into a whale - for which I am very sorry, and I did apologise. He seemed alright about it.
However, I believe I may have violated the territorial waters of several South American nations and possibly caused a huge diplomatic incident. I did adopt my dad's policy for dealing with diplomatic matters, and screamed "MINIONS!" down the radio at them (I also Morsed "M-I-N-I-O-N-S" at them too, in case the radio was not working after the incident with the giant squid). I didn't demand vanilla pastries and fine coffee under threat of nuclear anhiliation, as I thought that was a bit much, but I did ask nicely for some. They did not give me any - I was quite disapointed.
Anyway, after the sub-hunting choppers turned up and dropped torpedoes in the water, I thought I had better get out of the sea - as it is filled with slimy beasts who I dislike. So, I drove the submarine over to the coast.
I maintain that if the submarine is going to break apart in such a flimsy fashion after being beached then there should be a warning label or something on the dashboard. I looked for a manual, but they had clearly thrown it away. Silly sailors! How do they expect someone who borrows it to know how to drive it?
After I beached the submarine on the rocks, I quickly left - as there were scary people in NBC suits turning up and putting up signs which read "WARNING! Nuclear Contamination!" and hoovering up all the glowing green stuff that was oozing out of the fractured reactor. I was rather affeared that I might get hoovered up too, to be honest, so I left.
I am currently writing this in a little cafe, drinking fine coffee and eating vanilla pastries with my new friend - who is a Llama. He tells me that we can go and see where they make coffee later on today - it promises to be quite exciting.
// posted by the hodge @ 6:17 PM 
